I posted my "call for help" the other night wanting to thank my few but important readers and to ask them what they wanted me to write about. I REALLY didn't expect much of a response because I didn't think it was an "educational" or super informative post..basically I thought it was going to turn readers off because of the "lameness" factor...but I was still hoping someone, ANYONE would comment. I was SSOOOO surprised and SSOOOO incredibly touched with all of the wonderful words of encouragement and input I actually received!!!
I can't begin to explain how much it all means to me. I had gotten emotional reading responses more than a few times today. This kind of feedback lights my fire and I can't WAIT to continue writing.
So, I posted this video today because after reading what you all wanted to hear about and some of your concerns, I HAD to IMMEDIATELY get my thoughts down somehow...and with only a phone on hand...well, my only way was to record my damn self...
...Aaannd got so emotional and flustered at the end that I couldn't even say the name of my website correctly!! TOTALLY EMBARRASSING! And every time I watch this video I get teary-eyed at the end (not because I eff'd up but because I'm just so damn thankful for you all)...For real...Thank you...Yes, YOU :-)
Most of my thoughts are jumbled but they're all from the heart...(my #1 priority ALWAYS)
BUT now that I'm home and the kids are asleep I can now organize my thoughts and elaborate a bit more.
You ARE a GOOD Mommy
No matter how many mistakes you make, no matter how many times you cry, no matter how many times you want to give up...you don't...because you LOVE your child(ren) and you want the best for them. You stress about tons of shit...because want the best for your children...because YOU are a good mom. You know fully well that life is not perfect and that mostly everything is out of your control especially when babies and children are involved BUT you still strive for perfection because there's always a slight chance that things will ACTUALLY go your way for once...and sometimes they do...because you don't give up...because you're a good mom! As long as you are trying and as long as you care...YOU ARE A GOOD MOM!!!
Trust your Instincts
My pediatrician said to me once that "Mommy is always right until proven wrong" when it comes to her kids especially. It's so true...We spend countless hours with our children and we know them inside and out. We have some kind of instinct, connection, radar and we must trust all of that. Whether you're a new mom or a seasoned parent...it doesn't matter...you have it...promise...
You will ABSOLUTELY love baby #2 as much as baby #1
Hey, you have a lot of shit going on right now. You're already dealing with a little a-hole who you love and adore with every fiber of your being and have gotten to know them very well since they were born... and you're going to have to do the same with the second. You know you're supposed to love this little baby that just came into the world (and you TOTALLY DO!) But you know nothing about him or her. Kind of like when you had your first (but different) except you have gotten to be best friends with #1 and you can't imagine how you could do the same with this new little creature (but it happens!!) Just be patient and give it time. Remember when you first had #1?? They were just eating, pooping, peeing, crying, sleeping (sometimes) machines! And then at around 4 to 6 months they started to interact, really show a personality and you'll REALLY start getting to know them. And it's going to be AWESOME!!! And then when the two of them are old enough to interact and play together and love each other and cuddle and kiss and sing and dance together you're going to REALLY realize you made an THE BEST decision of giving them the gift of each other...and your heart will burst a million times over! You're going to love most things they do and not-like-with-a-passion some other things they do...and remember each child is unique. So, two different sets of "likes" and "dislikes" and a unique and special love for each child that grows stronger every day...I Promise!!!
Sometimes you're gonna lose your shit and that's okay
At first you are going to feel like you're betraying #1 and then you'll feel even worse when you start to lose your patience and yell at them too...like ALL THE TIME...Just remember you're not the only one!! Again, a lot of changes are going on...for you, for child #1 and your family as a whole. Stress is at an all-time high (and if you're not stressed then kudos to you...you're superwoman) not to mention you just had a freaking baby and are recovering from that semi-traumatic thing called childbirth. So give yourself time to heal after birth, get used to the new shit-show called "your life" and give yourself some slack.
Just make shit up as you go!
Seriously, you can only read (or listen to) so many books and take so much advice from others before you f*ckin burst! You have all of this information jumbled up in your head and can't make sense of it because your brain isn't functioning and you don't know what the hell to do...Well, this is the point where you just start to make shit up...totally. You want to strive for perfection because that's ideal...but not realistic. These little human beings are unpredictable honey badgers and we become masters of improvising. And don't worry about that time you had to give child #1 a bowl of goldfish as a meal because...well, because of a lot of reasons...
ASK FOR F*CKING HELP!!!
Both first-time mommies and "seasoned" mommies...I know you need to learn all that you can about being a mom and that you want to try and do everything by yourself...You don't want to ask for help because you don't want to seem incapable or weak...(just listen to yourself...WTF??) This is craziness! You are only ONE person. Your hormones went from an all-time high to then plummeting after childbirth. Your body and mind are trying to recover from the trauma (while not being able to sleep because the baby needs to eat every freaking three hours...sometimes more often), you're probably learning how to breastfeed (which, for me was stressful as f*ck) or are feeling guilty for giving the baby formula when you just couldn't take it anymore. On top of that you may have more than one child...and child #1 may be trying to get used to his big boy bed as your colicky daughter cries for hours on end at bedtime every night! (yep, me). You MUST ask for help. You are a SUPER WOMAN...not "Superwoman"...notice what I did right there?? :-) Whether you call on family, a friend, a babysitter, or an online support group...JUST DO IT. Again, you're a good momma...And this goes for anyone with children at ANY AGE...seriously...just f*cking ask for help...do it for you, for your kids and for your husband/significant other...for your family...because your body and mind needs it (you can see how passionate I am about this one) So, do-it-to-it!!
Get the EFF Out!
This goes hand-in-hand with the whole "ask for help" bit. Get someone to watch the kid(s) and get the hell out of the damn house! Us mommas can get stir crazy and with all of the noice (or tip-toeing during nap time) we need some time to just f*cking breathe!!! When I was prego with #2 (Arya) I'd literally leave the house while my husband stayed with #1 (Gunnar), get an ice cream cone from Carvel, sit in my car and listen to an ebook...or cry...sometimes because I was happy to be alone and sometimes because I felt guilty about wanting to LEAVE...and sometimes I was just able to take a breath of relief and be super thankful I had a moment to myself and my ice cream.
Whatever it is...get out for a moment. Seriously...
I just want to reiterate the fact that I am simply a lady with a sweary vocabulary that's sharing her experiences and opinions. In no way, shape or form do I claim to be an expert in medicine, child development, relationships or the like. (Just felt the need to...well, basically to save my own ass!!)
As always, thank you for reading! Much love to all! xoxo
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