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HOWDY-HO, NEIGHBORINOS

The REAL House-Spouses of Goldsmith Trail

“Desperate Housewives” and “Santa Clarita Diet” Collide

Lindy Vogel
Sweary Mommy
Published in
4 min readFeb 21, 2023

We had no idea what we were getting into. (Author’s Photo)

**Disclaimer: Aspects of this story have been fictionalized for entertainment purposes.***

Episode 1: The Fur Flies

My husband needed to get rid of a hard-on, fast.

“Ricki Rox naked on a cold day, Ricki Rox naked on a cold day,” Joe chanted out loud.

I shuddered. I love a good Austin Powers joke as much as anyone. But Ricki Rox! What a person to think about, first thing in the morning! But who could forget Ricki, our crazy former neighbor with a creepy thing for Joe?

I had a moment to laugh with my handsome spouse before giving the kids their school sendoff. A reverie of the old neighborhood sagas washed over me as I threw on a pair of worn jeans and remembered. I’d never planned on becoming a party to their bullsh*t.

I was too good to enter the fray — the Ned Flanders of the neighborhood. Right up until I wasn’t.

Once upon a time, we moved to a long and branched vein of a street in the bowels of Santa Clarita. And it wasn’t long ago that we came to live next door to Ricki, her long-suffering husband, and their son. It was…

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Published in Sweary Mommy

Sweary Mommy is the poor man’s Scary Mommy — salty as f*ck, fun, and geared toward millennial parents, teachers, and caregivers. So give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to pee free — of small children who insist on being in the godd@mn bathroom with us.

Written by Lindy Vogel

Salty bitch, mom of six. Founder of Sweary Mommy. Failed model. Words in YourTango, Pregnant Chicken, Monterey Bay Parent, & Nameberry.

Responses (1)

What are your thoughts?

A dog, a cat, and a chipmunk.
Garter snakes out back.
Mosquitoes? Yeah,
I know why you left Michigan...

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